Red Hearts! Red Roses! Red Flags?

It’s February, the only month of the year that hosts a special day dedicated to lovers…Valentine’s Day! A time when couples blissfully plan ways in which to celebrate their love for each other. Although this usually entails buying overpriced cards & flowers and forever waiting in line at a restaurant, this tradition shows no signs of halting. But can you say the same for your relationship?

Amongst the red hearts and red roses that can be seen visible to the eye this month, many people are internally battling a different type of red…RED FLAGS! This notion can be described as a bad feeling, a hunch, or an instinct. You may feel in the pit of your stomach that your partner is being “shady.” Ruminating thoughts begin consuming your mind, “Can you trust them? Should you trust them? Do you trust them?” What is the best course of action when red flags invade your relationship?

Common Reactions

The Dismisser. This person does not want to believe that their partner would betray them. They try to convince themselves that nothing is wrong or that their relationship will eventually change for the better. They tend to stay in a relationship that may lack trust and true intimacy. This most likely will affect their self-esteem and skew their perceptions as they remain in denial.

The Interrogator. This person responds to these unwanted signals by confronting their partner. They will ask the same questions over and over, demanding an explanation, searching for reassurance. Their goal is to track their partner’s responses in hopes of consistency. They demand honestly and will not be gaslighted.

The Investigator. This person’s suspicions fuel their “need to know the truth.” They will go through their partner’s phone, computer, email, social media, car, and clothes pockets if need be. They will ask around to confirm or refute what their lover has told them. They will stop at nothing to catch their partner if they feel as though they are being made a fool of.

Trust yourself

No matter how you respond to the haunting feeling that something is not right in your relationship, you should always be true to yourself. If you are not sure whether or not to trust your partner, the best thing you can do is to trust yourself. Although hindsight is 20/20, we are wired to sense danger along the way. Chances are if you are feeling insecure or unsure about your partner, you probably have a good reason for it.

And If That Doesn’t Work, Trust Those Around You!

Friends and family members can oftentimes see things that someone blinded by love cannot see. Try to gain additional perspective by sharing your concerns with people you trust. Hopefully, the people closest to you have your best interest at heart so they will give you valuable feedback. Seeking a therapist at this time may also be incredibly beneficial as they can assist you in processing your thoughts and feelings either in individual or couple’s sessions.

For more reading on this topic:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201407/10-relationship-red-flags

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/brenda-della-casa/15-red-flags-not-to-ignor_b_4959341.html

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